No Ifs, Ands, or Monkey Butts...Real Solutions for the Pain in Your Ass

Most folks are uncomfortable talking about their bums.  I’ve ridden with a lot of people and not one them has ever started a conversation with me about how sweaty and scalded their butt gets on a long ride.  I suppose it’s not the most appropriate topic of discussion while dining. Nevertheless, if we’re being honest, it is a problem most motorcycles riders have experienced at one time or another.

These Monkey Butts...Just Look Painful

I’m not too proud to admit that I’ve experienced monkey butt on a few occasions.  Most notably on Iron Butt rides when I’m in the saddle for extended periods…and on shorter rides when the temperature starts to climb.  On long rides especially, it can become so uncomfortable that I can barely stay in the saddle.  After my Saddlesore 2000 (2000 miles in less than 48 hours) in May, I told myself I had to find something to “fix” the problem.
 

While I may not have found the ultimate “fix”, I have found a couple of products and learned a few things that have helped tremendously…maybe they’ll help you too.

A Soft Saddle Is Not Your Friend

A soft and cushy saddle provides less contact area for your butt and doesn’t distribute your weight evenly causing increased pressure on your sitz bones (ischial tuberosities).   This increased pressure translates to an uncomfortable and painful ride.  A firmer saddle will provide more contact area and distribute your weight

Ischial Tuberosities (see blue dots)

more evenly allowing you to stay in the saddle longer without pain. 

I’ve ridden more than 20K miles on a Corbin Dual Tour and I can say without hesitation, the firmer saddle is more comfortable and less painful than my stock seat.  Unfortunately, a firmer saddle in and of itself won’t prevent monkey butt...but it will provide a good foundation to start from.

Moisture Is The Enemy

 A major causal factor for monkey butt is moisture in the form of perspiration.  With little-to-no air circulation your butt basically marinates in your own sweat (I know it’s not pretty).  The longer your sit in this marinade, the more irritated and tender your backside becomes.  The key to preventing this culinary nightmare (i.e. monkey butt) is to minimize moisture.

Spays and Powders

Sprays and Powders Absorb Moisture

Spays and powders are especially useful when the temperature and humidity are high.  Most talcum-based powders and spays will help by reducing friction and absorbing moisture.  Although I haven’t personally tried it, one such powder is Anti Monkey Butt Powder.  Anti-Monkey Butt Powder has received good reviews from other bikers and is available at Wal-Mart, Walgreens, and H.E.B (if you live in Texas).  The main drawback of powders is they can be messy and if you use too much you might leave powdery butt prints wherever you sit. 

I didn’t like the idea of potentially leaving “evidence” behind so I tried Gold BondClassic Powder Spray.  Overall, the Gold Bond Spray did a good job of keeping me dry and I would recommend it.  However, be forewarned, the Classic has menthol and the burning sensation it caused in my nether regions wasn’t pleasant...in fact, it gave the Jerry Lee song, “Great Balls of Fire” a whole new meaning. If you’re into that sort of thing, use the Classic; otherwise, go with the Gold Bond Fresh Powder Spray. Gold Bond products are available at Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, and a whole host of other retail establishments.

Wicking Fabrics

Another tool to minimize moisture is wicking fabrics. These fabrics help control moisture by drawing it away from your skin so that it can evaporate more quickly.  In the past, I’ve worn UnderArmor as it’s one of the better-known “performance” fabrics.  In cooler weather and on shorter rides, Under Armor works well and will help keep you dry.  However, on longer rides where you spend a lot of time in the saddle and when the temperatures start to rise, Under Armor doesn’t wick the moisture away fast enough…and eventually it becomes saturated.  Once saturated, it effectively losses it wicking properties.

LD Comfort

After reading numerous positive reviews posted by other long distance riders, I purchased a pair of LD Comfort underwear.  These underwear have a few unique features and have proven themselves in the Texas heat.  Unlike Under Armor, LD Comfort underwear is comprised of two-layers.  The inner layer stays dry while transferring the moisture to the outer layer where it has more time to dry through evaporation.   LD Comfort underwear also have a “roo-fly” (think kangaroo pouch) that makes pit stops much easier and more efficient.  Although they were a little pricey at $45 + $9 shipping/handling, they do work and I can understand why so many Iron Butt Rally participants sing their praises.  At some point, riding comfort becomes priceless.

One note of caution when it comes to mixing sprays/powders and wicking garments.  Don’t think like I did that using both the Gold Bond Spray and wearing LD Comfort underwear will result in a drier ride.  As the spray powder absorbs moisture it clogs-up the wicking material and negates its benefits…making it feel like you’ve got a tropical rain forest in your pants.  When wearing wicking underwear, spays and powders can make things worse.  Don’t do it.

Look For Improved Airflow

If moisture is the enemy when it comes to monkey butt, improved airflow just might be your best friend.  You’d think air flow would never be a problem on a motorcycle.  Except in this case, you’re sitting on your butt and there’s no space for air to travel between your pants and the saddle.  It seems logical that improved airflow when combined with wicking underwear or the use of spray/powder would increase the rate of evaporation and result in a drier and maybe even cooler ride.

BeadRider

While there are several products on the market that help improve airflow, several of my riding buddies say Bead Rider in one of the best.  I’ve ordered one and can’t wait to try it out.  The Bead Rider elevates you approximately a half inch, allowing air to pass between your butt and the seat.  You sit on a woven pattern of wooden or ceramic beads.  The company says, the Bead Rider improves airflow, helps to distribute your weight over a larger area, and keeps your butt from getting wet when it rains…all of which should help prevent monkey butt.

No Two Butts Alike

Preventing or minimizing monkey butt requires some trial and error.  What works for one may not work for another.  However, by using the information provided here you should be able to determine the best solution for you.  Remember, minimize/eliminate moisture with wicking fabrics or powders and spays, improve the airflow to your backside to aid in evaporation, and find a saddle that distributes your weight evenly.  When all these things come together properly, monkey butt will no longer be a pain your ass.

If you found this post to be useful and/or mildly entertaining, please share it…and as always, Live Free. RideHard. Be Happy!