Note: The use of "ol' lady" is not intended to be disrespectful or derogatory towards women. In the biker community it's used as slang to describe your significant other.
Lie #1 - “Sure babe, it’s comfy back here, let’s do another 100 miles.”
Riding pillion on most motorcycles isn’t very comfortable and on some it’s down-right painful. Nevertheless, there they sit, arms wrapped around us with a smile on their face. Women who ride two-up, especially on smaller bikes, should be commended. The next time you hear this lie start looking for a good place to pull-over because what she’s really saying is, “Damn, I love you but my butt is on fire and I need to get off this bike now!”
Lie #2 - “Of course, I think your belly’s sexy.”
What did you expect her to say? She loves you too much to tell you, “No, your belly’s not sexy. The truth is you’re a fat mother fu*%er who needs to eat less and hit the gym…a lot.” Sadly, there are quite a few Harley riders out there (myself included) that are all too comfortable believing this lie. Every now and then, we need to hear the truth…even if it hurts.
Lie #3 - “Your beard? I love it. Every time I see it, I just want to kiss your whole face.”
Yeah, beards are cool and they give you a rugged, bad-boy look but she isn’t really excited about kissing your bearded face. She tells you that crap because she loves you. The whole time you’re making out she’s thinking, “God, please don’t let me find left-overs from dinner last night. That would be so gross…ewww.” Ever wonder if you’d get more lovin if you were clean shaven?
Lie #4 - “You can refer to me as your ‘Ol' Lady’ anytime.”
Although she won't embarrass you in front of your friends for calling her that , you can bet if she's over 30 she's thinking to herself, "If he ever calls me that again in public, I'm going to stick my spiked heel motorcycle boot so far up his butt he’ll need a tow truck to pull it out.”
Or maybe, just maybe, the next time you’re out, she’ll make a really big deal and introduce you as her “Fat Mother Fu*%er.” Love is a funny thing isn’t it?
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If you’ve been told, or have told, a little lie like the ones above, I’d like to hear them. Who knows, sometime in the future I might post an update and add to the list. Until then, Live Free. Ride Hard. Be Happy! ☺
BAHAHAHAHA!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're a riot!
I would love it if Steve referred to me as his Ol' Lady! My Dad called my StepMom Kathy that and that was a term all of his friends used about their women. But it's not Steve's style, so I just like him to use his own terms.
The rest of that is pretty true, I must say. I still love riding on the back of Steve's bike, but only for short jaunts around town. I forget how easy it is to sit back there and not have to steer. HAHA!!
There are lies men tell women too.
"You're still as sexy as ever, probably sexier now that your more mature!" F*cking bullsh*t. Really. Oh and, "I love your hair like that! Are you ready to go now?"
That really means, "I'm so tired of waiting for you while you are getting ready. Let's just go! No one cares how you look, except YOU!"
I think the only lie I ever tell Steve (and I'm going to be so busted right now) is, "I'm not tired Honey!" HAHAHA!! But the truth is, when I think there may be nookie involved, I'm NOT tired!! Nothing wakes me up like a kiss on the neck! Woot Woot!!
Smooches,
Sash
Tina,
DeleteI think I may have just given you something to blog about..."Lies Your Ol' Man Tells You:". I bet you could come-up with some good ones. "I'm not tired Honey" is definitely a better lie than, "Sweety, I have a headache"...so I don't think Steve will hold that against you..or then again maybe he will. ;-)
Cheers,
Curt
Haha! Funny.
ReplyDeletePillion can be a b*tch at times. Most I've done is just shy of 500 miles on the back of hubby's Triumph America a few years ago. I eventually had my legs up on his lap just to stretch out my knees, lol.
Brandy,
Delete500 miles? That's seems pretty incredible to me...and the Triumph America isn't a big bike. About the farthest my wife has ridden is about 130 miles round-trip. Kudos to you for going that far!
Cheers,
Curt
It's just how you set up your "small motorcycle", my wife is totally happy with the "Sportster Touring Pilion and large oval backrest pad we use on our 2014 Sporty SuperLow!! We took a road trip to see my sister in Lubbock, TX. (were out of Colorado Springs, CO.), almost 500 miles and she told me it was good comfort wise! :) Were not Skinny Mini's either but it's not as much of a PIA to tour on a smaller machine as the Big Twin owners make of it, jmho, ymmv. Have a most excellent day! :)
ReplyDeleteB.J. and Jo,
DeleteThanks for the point of reference, My hat is off to you guys, I wish my wife would try to ride longer distances and I've even offered to try and get a different saddle (I currently have the Corbin Dual Tour),,,but she says she just doesn't think anything would be comfortable enough. I guess at the end of the day riding just isn't her thing.
Sounds like you guys had an enjoyable trip. Keep enjoying your Sporty.
Cheers,
Curt
This is so funny and yet so true, except for one. I like beards. The husb does not have one but he doesn't ride either. However, I love to hug my bearded friends and give them hugzy kisses and one thing... just one thing I wish all bearded men would do, and that is wash your beards. Not saying all don't, but for some reason I get the smelly ones LOL!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got a chuckle...that's what I was hoping for. Hopefully, guys with beards will get the message...if not, just give them a bottle of shampoo. :-)
~Curt