Note: The use of "ol' lady" is not intended to be disrespectful or derogatory towards women. In the biker community it's used as slang to describe your significant other.
Lie #1 - “Sure babe, it’s comfy back here, let’s do another 100 miles.”
Riding pillion on most motorcycles isn’t very comfortable and on some it’s down-right painful. Nevertheless, there they sit, arms wrapped around us with a smile on their face. Women who ride two-up, especially on smaller bikes, should be commended. The next time you hear this lie start looking for a good place to pull-over because what she’s really saying is, “Damn, I love you but my butt is on fire and I need to get off this bike now!”
Lie #2 - “Of course, I think your belly’s sexy.”
What did you expect her to say? She loves you too much to tell you, “No, your belly’s not sexy. The truth is you’re a fat mother fu*%er who needs to eat less and hit the gym…a lot.” Sadly, there are quite a few Harley riders out there (myself included) that are all too comfortable believing this lie. Every now and then, we need to hear the truth…even if it hurts.
Lie #3 - “Your beard? I love it. Every time I see it, I just want to kiss your whole face.”
Yeah, beards are cool and they give you a rugged, bad-boy look but she isn’t really excited about kissing your bearded face. She tells you that crap because she loves you. The whole time you’re making out she’s thinking, “God, please don’t let me find left-overs from dinner last night. That would be so gross…ewww.” Ever wonder if you’d get more lovin if you were clean shaven?
Lie #4 - “You can refer to me as your ‘Ol' Lady’ anytime.”
Although she won't embarrass you in front of your friends for calling her that , you can bet if she's over 30 she's thinking to herself, "If he ever calls me that again in public, I'm going to stick my spiked heel motorcycle boot so far up his butt he’ll need a tow truck to pull it out.”
Or maybe, just maybe, the next time you’re out, she’ll make a really big deal and introduce you as her “Fat Mother Fu*%er.” Love is a funny thing isn’t it?
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If you’ve been told, or have told, a little lie like the ones above, I’d like to hear them. Who knows, sometime in the future I might post an update and add to the list. Until then, Live Free. Ride Hard. Be Happy! ☺