If you’ve noticed, I haven’t been posting much lately…the reality is I’ve been busier than normal at work and at home I’ve been focused on building my grandson a motorcycle rocker. The time I’ve spent in my shop has been enjoyable, but it’s left little time to write, ride, or take photographs. I miss those things. Unfortunately, it’ll be a while longer before I can fully get back to them. When I started working on the rocker seven weeks ago, I had hoped to finish it as a present for my grandson’s first birthday. That didn’t happen.
Last Friday at midnight, after making a 17-hour push to finish, I realized there was still too much to do to have it ready for his birthday party that Sunday. The realization was devastating. I was so disappointed with myself for not having started sooner or working harder. I felt as though I was letting him down. I felt guilty…I had completed special gifts for his sisters for their first birthdays, but he’d have nothing from me on his special day. I was a bad grandpa and not in a funny, Johnny Knoxville, kind of way.
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| Core of the Motorcycle Rocker |
Sherry and I left for San Angelo on Saturday morning with the motorcycle rocker laying in pieces all around my shop. It was a sad sight and I still felt bad for not finishing, but in the light of a new day, I knew everything would be okay. When we opened the door at my daughter and son-in-law’s house, we were greeted by our three smiling grandchildren. Not one of them seemed concerned with the absence of a shiny new motorcycle rocker. They just seemed happy that we were there. That made me feel good.
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| One Happy 1 Year Old |
On Sunday at the party, my grandson received so many gifts that he didn’t know what to look at or play with first. He was happier than a pig in slop. At that moment, I knew he wasn’t missing anything by not having a motorcycle rocker built by his “Pop-Pop”. His feelings weren’t hurt. He didn’t care about what he didn’t have because he was focused on what was right in front of him. All my worrying and beating myself up had been pointless. At the end of the day, the only person who had been concerned about finishing by a certain calendar date was me (okay, and maybe my wife).
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| Part of the Front Wheel Assembly |
Later that day on the drive back to San Antonio, I felt a sense of relief. Gone was the self-imposed pressure to hurry-up and finish…and the guilt for not finishing in time for the birthday party. After some much needed reflection, I realized over the past several weeks I’d become my own worst enemy. I grossly underestimated the time, complexity, and effort involved in building the rocker and ignored my wife’s early reminders to get started. Once started, I didn’t realistically evaluate my progress and pushed myself until I could no longer deny that it wasn’t going to be ready. I focused so much on finishing that I lost sight of what it really means to
Live Free, Ride Hard, and Be Happy.
I don’t know how much longer it’ll take to complete the rocker but I do know I won’t be so laser focused as to neglect other things that bring me joy and happiness. I’ll stop being my own worst enemy and enjoy taking the time needed to build a custom “bike” my grandson can proudly hand down to his children one day. After all, a well-built motorcycle (rocker) should last for several generations, right?
I hope you never become your own worse enemy and lose sight of what it means to Live Free, Ride Hard, and Be Happy!
One of the most important lessons I've learned as I've gotten older is not to feel sorry for myself. Its not easy considering my childhood. As it is I've grown up to feel ashamed for every "human" thing I've done or failed to do. I've had to learn recently that it doesn't have to weigh on my conscience. I can have a lazy moment, or indulge in some recreation, and fall behind on work, and not feel bad about it. It helps too, to be married to a woman who is going through the same discovery. In the end, it's the intangible things we pass on to the younger generation that have the greatest impact.
ReplyDeleteI think it takes some of us a long time to learn that we don't have to be perfect...and not feel guilty about it. We have to take it a day at a time and not get too wrapped around the axle when we fall a little short of our own expectations.
DeleteCheers,
Curt
Curt,
ReplyDeleteI think we all do that, from time to time. We always become our own, worst critics and to have the greatest expectations of ourselves, even greater than we have of others. I've long believed it's not so important to avoid making mistakes but to learn from them.
I love that you're back to blogging. :)
Smooches,
<a href="http://wwwTooMuchTina.com>Sash-The Rude Biker Chick</a>
If the key to life is learning from our mistakes, I should be a freaking genius by now. Whio knows, maybe I am. :-) Thanks for the kind words.
DeleteCheers,
Curt
And we are our own worst critic too.
ReplyDeleteJust think, by giving it to him on a day he isn't receiving other presents, all his attention will be on your special gift. Think of it as giving him another special day. Just to have a handmade gift is thought enough even if it is a little late. At that age he doesn't know the date, he wouldn't know he had a birthday if people didn't tell him. :-)
You're absolutely right...we are our own worst critics. I finally realized that my grandson would probably appreciate getting his "bike" on a different day more than on his birthday and he'll appreciate it more because he doesn't have 50 other things to draw his attention away from it.
DeleteThanks for the encouragement!
Cheers,
Curt